Shadows into the Light: Expanding Self-Awareness and Fostering Growth with Astrology
This article was written in collaboration with my friend, Lauren Ramers.
“The ego self is the self before death; the soul is only real after we walk through the death of our ever-fading False Self and come out larger and brighter on the other side.” — Richard Rohr
Jungian psychology tells us that the unconscious directs our life until we take the steps to make the unconscious conscious. We assume power over our unconscious behaviors and responses when we engage in self-awareness that leads to personal development. Within the field of personal development, many people are turning toward traditional modalities such as psychotherapy and counseling, while others choose to try more ‘new age’ therapies such as hypnotherapy, Reiki, and breath work (ironically, the majority of these ‘new age’ modalities are ancient in their origin). Astrology, in particular, offers an interesting perspective to address the healing needs of individuals and the collective. An ancient practice of studying the position of cosmic bodies synchronous with events on earth, astrology has played an important role in the lives of humans for centuries. In a world where we have become so disconnected from our own awareness, from the planets around us, and from the impact of both on our human development, astrological readings can prove a transformative tool of self-discovery, particularly in this time of rapid change.
In astrology, the twelve signs of the horoscope are twelve archetypes used for understanding the psyche of the individual and even to understand humanity itself. From Aries to Pisces “we encounter a meta-narrative containing the entire range of human incarnational experience” (Jones, 2015, p. 5). These archetypes are present in each person and express an intricate portrait of the circumstances of their lives through their individual horoscope.
The personal natal (birth) chart, based on a person’s birth date, time and location, represents a person’s perfect set of conditions for their soul’s evolution. These conditions map a trajectory of the expression of one’s true self coming into manifestation over a lifetime. The astrology reading is a private, confidential, one-to-one conversation between an astrologer and another human being about their life based on the client’s natal chart. Through the reading, the astrologer has an opportunity to bring awareness to aspects of a person’s life, allowing for the integration of these aspects, and to encourage clients to take responsibility for their lives. Astrology consultations commonly work through the exploration of life themes, archetypes, inner wounds, shadow aspects of one’s self concept, and traumas — all of which can promote greater self-awareness, and thus growth, for a client.
Human Development
To understand the experience of an astrology reading, it is helpful to consider the human developmental concepts of a holding environment, the true self, and the false self, offered by Donald Winnicott (1965). The holding environment is a concept based on the ordinary care and holding of an infant by the ‘good enough’ mother (Winnicott, 1965). Similar to the holding environment that therapists create with clients, astrologers do the same. The astrology reading is a co-created space in which the astrologer provides information and holds a client in a process of self-discovery. Much like the holding environment of a childhood home, this environment has the potential to have lasting effects on the lives of all who participate in it. In addition, Winnicott describes the true self as the sense an individual has by feeling alive and creative in one’s own body and mind. The false self, on the other hand, is the defense — a mask, if you will — that one metaphorically puts on in order to comply with others’ expectations. Therefore, holding a space for clients in order to show up as their true self, a space that is safe enough to shed the false self, is an important goal and responsibility of the astrologer.
Background to the Astrological Session
This article is a response to a session between an astrologer (Cam) with his client (Lauren). The purpose of the reading, like all astrology readings, was to create a space where Lauren could more fully explore her inner world, to make sense of her past, and more fully understand herself in the present. This work serves as a reflection of the session, primarily from the client’s perspective.
Much about astrology is either misunderstood, misconstrued, or unknown to many who have never explored its potential. This paper was written to illustrate the potential for using this ancient knowledge system as a tool for self-discovery and healing in a time when the world is both suffering from and resisting the reality of a global scourge, COVID-19, a novel and highly infectious virus.
The Astrologer’s Reflection
I found astrology, or perhaps it would be accurate to say that astrology found me, in 2017. During that time, I felt stuck, and I wasn’t very happy with the way my life was going. I was turning to anything that could help me better understand myself and what I was experiencing. At first, I thought it was kind of fun to learn about the planets and find explanations for what I was experiencing. It didn’t take long until I realized the depth of astrology as a tool to discover more about myself, and I committed myself to studying it more fully to help others. My astrological chart has very strong indicators for being a spiritual teacher. Though I had recognized the stirrings of this early in life, this potential lay mostly dormant until I discovered my inner workings more thoroughly through astrology. Now, as an astrologer, I have many sessions with clients similar to the one I had with Lauren. I consider these sessions sacred moments — unique spaces to honor and explore another’s Being on this planet. What follows is just a glimpse of my recent session with Lauren.
The Client’s Reflection
I came to my session with an open heart and mind, and a healthy dose of self-awareness. However, I am always eager to learn more about myself, and the astrological chart is a tool I have yet to add to my toolbelt of self-discovery. I was motivated to learn about my astrological natal chart as a way to integrate what I have learned about myself through lived experiences, meditation and yoga, inner bonding, and traditional forms of talk therapy and cognitive behavior therapy. As a leader in education who aspires to change the structure of education within the system itself, I realize that my leadership, and most certainly how I show up in my leadership roles, will necessitate a great deal more reflection, self-awareness, and integration.
This first session with Cam focused on the Sun aspect of my chart, which lies in Capricorn, and is concerned with the Ego, Self, and Identity. Capricorn is the sign of structures, power, and patriarchy. We explored several of my houses, including the fourth and tenth houses as they relate to my childhood/early conditioning and career/vocation respectively. The other house we began to explore was my 7th house, where we discussed my shadows. Finally, we explored how communication is one of my challenges, presenting a paradox‒an internal tension I feel between showing up as my authentic self (in other words, who I know myself to be) and my persona (the self I show to others), or false self.
Childhood/Early Conditioning
In my fourth house, where the foundation of my childhood resides, I learned that Saturn (which represents father) and Cancer (which represents mother) lie across the sky — in opposition — to one another. This resonated with my experiences in childhood as my father’s alcoholism created a deep chasm between my mother and my father. My holding container, so to speak, was not sufficient in that anger, fighting, and chaos filled the home. I often had to hold back my emotions in fear of setting one or both of my parents off, and I was often the peacekeeper in the family. As a result, I internalized perfectionism. If I did everything correctly, to my parents’ expectations my younger self theorized, then the fighting would stop, and our family would be peaceful. My chart demonstrates this tension, and Cam reminded me during our session that while challenging, my childhood presented with me with some of my life’s best lessons. As a result of my childhood, I have been incredibly intentional in my parenting and made every attempt to create a holding environment that is safe, loving, and free of anger and fighting. Instead of acting out our emotions, we talk about our emotions; we address our anger when it inevitably bubbles to the surface, and we apologize and take responsibility for our words and actions when they are hurtful. In fact, my 15-year old son delivers one of the best apologies that I have ever heard, and I practice the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono forgiveness ritual almost daily. When I reflect upon my childhood, and I use my chart to help me tell that part of my story, I can now see that my father’s alcoholism is a part of my unique life’s story that has helped shape the person I am today, the career I am creating, and the kind of family I have built.
Career/Vocation
My tenth house is in Capricorn and represents my career and vocation. I have always had a strong sense of how I would contribute to this world, and it makes sense now knowing that my laser-focus on education and leadership in education aligns with my astrological chart. It is in my design that I would spend my career operating within a societal structure, and that I have a strong desire to build something that lasts. My soul expresses itself through accomplishment, discipline, and loyalty — all values that I was conditioned to believe were important traits for me to develop and refine. These traits are also characteristics of Capricorn and my tenth house.
Communication
One of my challenges, as I have been discovering, is my struggle with individuals who communicate in non-linear ways. This was especially true of my former supervisor, which resulted in numerous miscommunications and bruised egos, and continues to show up in my academic classes from time to time. I will tune out and stop listening to someone who struggles to make a point or who revisits ideas in a circular fashion. I learned from my chart that this is a result of where the planets in my chart live. Mercury, the planet of communication and thinking, is conjunct (i.e., located very close to) Mars in my natal chart, which suggests a strong flair to my communication abilities. The energy of Mercury and Mars together is aggressive, particularly in creative and communicative pursuits, which is evident in my energetic and effusive communication style. While I demonstrate an exuberance and drive that can come across as aggressive, I am likely not to “blow up” because of these planets in earth signs (i.e. Sun in Capricorn and Mars in Taurus). This is not to say that I never lose my cool; however, I am able to control impulses, and this is a significant aspect of my leadership behavior. Since I am now aware that my communication style is an important component of my creative self, I hope to use my communication skills and mind to navigate-ever so tactfully-the communication channels that exist within the systems I operate.
Shadows
In my chart, it is apparent that relationships activate conscious and unconscious pain points and serve the purpose of revealing my shadows. Fairness and equity are important values (due to where Libra is….) and so it is especially hurtful when I am not treated fairly. Cam used the words, “cuts you” to describe how it feels when I am betrayed by people — especially at work and school via relationships — since my ego is so intimately tied to my career/vocation. This resonates deeply and reflects back to experiences I have had in former professional roles. For most of my life, I have known and felt myself to be an achiever; therefore, when I am criticized within my professional sphere, there is a particularly difficult and painful emotion that cuts through me like a knife. In fact, failure — but especially failure at work or in my career — is likely to be the most painful of all experiences in my life next to losing a loved one.
My ascendant (the area of the chart that represents how we present ourselves to others) is represented by Aries, the planet of fire, impulsive energy, and initiative. This is the core of one of my shadows — the internal struggle I have with not always showing up as the person I understand myself to be. Instead, my persona takes on more of my Aries qualities (quick-talking, exuberant, energetic) which comes across as aggressive. This is not who I understand myself to be, which is much more grounded in my Earth energy. I see myself as composed, logical, empathetic, and calm. I can show up very differently — especially when I first meet people or when I am leaning towards stress.
Implications for Practice
Astrology is an ancient tool that can be used to heal from the harsh demands of a modern life. As illustrated in Lauren’s reflection above, there is healing in self-awareness and knowing that traumatic life experiences are a part of one’s design — one’s astrological life’s story, if you will — and that they are experiences from which one can grow and develop. While everyone’s experience with a personal astrology reading is different, Lauren’s initial foray illustrates the possibilities of using astrology as a tool for exploring, growing, and evolving in consciousness. Lauren’s ability to see her past experiences, struggles, and strengths as a part of her astrological chart brought her awareness,both peace, and acceptance. It also sparked in her a curiosity to learn even more about her design and the other clues that her chart can provide for future evolution, change, and even transformation.
Discovering Your True Self
Discovering yourself is a lifelong journey. It is often in times of struggle when we are forced to turn inward and discover the parts of us that were always there, but perhaps never present to us. In the time of COVID-19, humanity is collectively being called to go inward and do self-reflective work. This present moment is one of humanity’s great struggles and astrology can be a tool for helping people through this discovery phase. Perhaps this is just the holding environment we need to discover our true selves.
Citations
Jones, M. (2015). The soul speaks: The therapeutic potential of astrology. Portland, OR: Raven Dreams Press.
Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment: Studies in the theory of emotional development. New York: International Universities Press.
